TACKLING BITCHY – THE 100 ATTRACTION PRINCIPLES, Part 1

Posted: 08/30/2012 in Attraction, Guys, Relationships, Sex, Women

So, this list comes from the book Why Men Love Bitches, and it horrifies me. Ok, perhaps “horrify” is a little over-dramatic, but it gets the point across. I have some serious problems with this stuff and I’ll try, briefly, to address each one of them from the perspective of a guy who genuinely loves women in general and loves his one woman most. This comes as a result of a post by LoveAshley.net. She’s worth reading because she’s honest. Guys, do yourself a favor and read some female bloggers. You will learn a lot about the psyche of women.

1. Anything a person chases in life runs away.

There are things worth chasing.

2. The women who have the men climbing the walls for them aren’t always exceptional. Often, they are the ones who don’t appear to care too much.

I will say that for some men, this is true. But it smacks of playing games. If you like a man, tell him. Be plain. Be up front and truthful, always. Relationships built on shenanigans crumble.

3. A woman is perceived as offering a mental challenge to the degree that a man doesn’t feel he has a 100 percent hold on her.

A woman should be independent, but the fallacy of this is in the “hold” statement. I feel like I have a 100 percent hold on my wife; that doesn’t mean that I control her, but that I am confident of her love for me and me alone. I have no fear of adultery. In layman’s terms, we call it “trust.”

4. Sometimes a man deliberately won’t call, just to see how you’ll respond.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand…those men are idiots. Don’t play those games.

5. If you start out dependent, it turns him off. But if it is something he can’t have, it becomes more of a challenge for him to get it.

Again with the games. Dependent is different than “interested.” I’ve seen women play the “hard to get” card enough times that they missed out on a guy who was into them. He read her “challenge” as disinterest and moved on to someone who made him feel valued.

6. It is your attitude about yourself that a man will adopt.

This has some merit, though I am not sure “adopt” is the right syntax here. If you are confident and strong, you will be perceived as such.  But this is more about your own feelings of self-worth. No one respects someone who doesn’t respect themselves.

7.  Act like a prize and you’ll turn him into a believer.

Or, he’ll move on to the next carnival booth. Could go either way.

8. The biggest variable between a bitch and a woman who is too nice is fear. The bitch shows that she’s not afraid to be without him.

I guess this relates to being “too clingy.” This you just have to work out for yourself as to the level of affection you show at what stage in the relationship. But it’s exactly that – relational – and cannot be governed by rules.

9. If the choice is between her dignity and having a relationship, the bitch will prioritize her dignity above all else.

As should anyone. But rarely is this about generalizations. If a man treats you disrespectfully, run. Period.

10. When a woman doesn’t give in easily and doesn’t appear docile or submissive, it becomes more stimulating to obtain her.

The same could be said of hunting a wild boar. Are you a woman or a game animal?

11.  Being right on the verge of getting something generates a desire that has to be satisfied.

The psychology behind this is that the initial attraction and your personality are not enough. That someone has to be manipulated into a relationship. That’s not the case. I’m not a bass chasing after a sparkly lure. If I found you attractive, you need to be you. Because after the manipulation is gone, I’m left with you. The part of you that wears sweatpants and doesn’t always wear makeup and makes funny noises when she laughs. If I can’t be happy with that, our relationship will never last.

12. A man knows which woman will give in to last-minute requests.

Booty call? Have respect for yourself. Otherwise, not sure where this is going.

13. Whether you have terms and conditions indicates whether you have options. Almost immediately, you present yourself as a doormat or a dreamgirl.

Or, you could just be an attorney. Seriously? Who wants to date someone who says, “I’d like to date you, but here’s my terms and conditions under which I will make this happen.” No one. You can make these apparent as he gets to know you.

14. If you smother him, he’ll go into defense mode and look for an escape route to protect his freedom.

Perhaps. Unless he’s into you. Romance is crazy that way.

15. Whenever a woman requires too many things from a man, he’ll resent it. Let him give what he wants to give freely; then observe who he is.

Agreed.

16. A bitch gives a man plenty of space so he doesn’t fear being trapped in a cage. Then..he sets out to trap her in his.

W.T.F. Perhaps the art of romance involves working to impress a woman, to show her that she is valuable to him. Beyond that, again, are you a game animal?

17. If you tell him you are not interested in jumping into a relationship with both feet, he will set out to try to change your mind.

Bullshit. If he wants a relationship, he wants a relationship. He’s not being coy. AND, if you force him into a relationship through manipulation, he will end up feeling trapped or not value you. Either way, he’ll likely bail or betray you. And he’ll be justified because you decided to play immature games with his affections.

18. Always give the appearance that he has plenty of space. It gets him to drop his guard.

Unless you are in an elevator. Or revolving door. Or bed.

19. More than anything else, he watches to see if you’ll be too emotionally dependent on him.

I am not sure men are “watching” for anything. We date out of a primal urge to mate and we are looking for the woman who makes us laugh, who makes us feel sexy and who makes us feel like we are a complete man. We look for the women who, by mere association, make us better people.

20. He must feel that you choose to be with him, not that you need to be with him. Only then will he perceive you as an equal partner.

Not bad advice. The relationship must be equal as often as possible. But there are trade offs. I am taller than my wife, so she asks me to reach things on shelves above her. That doesn’t make her less equal. It means my strengths combine with her weaknesses and vice versa so that we are truly partners.

21. If a man has to wait before he sleeps with a woman, he’ll not only perceive her as more beautiful, he’ll also take him time to appreciate who she is.

As a general rule, yes. It’s not only slightly more moral, but its safer.

22. Sex and the “spark” are not one and the same.

True.

23. Before sex, a man isn’t thinking clearly and a woman is thinking clearly. After sex, it reverses. The man is thinking clearly and the woman isn’t.

Possibly, but not sure what the implication is. If you are at the sex point and you have spent time getting to know each other, the above doesn’t matter.

24. Every man wants to have sex first; whether he wants a girlfriend is something he thinks about later. By not giving him what he wants up front, you become his girlfriend without him realizing it.

Unless all he wants is sex, and then you are just a harder conquest. A real man wants a relationship, not an encounter. Learn to distinguish the two.

25. A man intuitively senses whether sexuality comes from a place of security or from a place of neediness. He knows when a woman is having sex to appease him.

Sadly, this is true. And in most cases, appeasement sex is far, far worse because it becomes the gauge by which a man will judge the likelihood of all future sexual performance.

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